Do you ever feel like you are a box with a fire burning inside?
Sometimes you feel like you would be more comfortable at home in sweats, drinking tea, reading a good book. Other times you have so much passion and desire rise up within you that it comes out in bursts of creative expression or conversation causing people to think you are crazy a tornado of ideas and passion?
Would you describe yourself as an introspective, quiet, over thinking, seeker type? But then at the same time there are moments when your passion for a topic or an idea forces you to burn through that box and come out of your sweats, throw on your heels (or tie) and share what your doing? Afterwards do you promptly feel like hiding again so you can quietly contemplate every thing that was said and
worry obsess over what others thought of you at that moment when your fire was burning bright all over the dang on place?
If so, you are not alone.
This is me all the way, every day.
I noticed that these feelings were really affecting my life last year. I have been this way since my teenaged years but it continued to get worse in my 20′s and even my early 30′s. I had this strong desire to share my feelings, thoughts and message in a way that I had never felt before but I was struggling to accept myself. I was struggling to accept my unique mix of gifts, talents, dreams, goals and circumstances. I didn’t see anyone else out there like me doing what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it.It was causing me to feel frustrated and confined. Two things I hate dearly.
That’s why I started by #befearless journey. As I’ve gone through this journey I’ve begun to see God’s hand EVERYWHERE! It was super hard at first but now I’ve come to the point of accepting the parts of myself that somehow had become hidden over the years.
As we grow up, layers from life’s experiences start to form over our authentic selves. As we get older we might desire to uncover our selves again so that we can live more purposeful and passionate lives. But it’s scary to let go of those old habits, beliefs and fears. However, when you begin to examine where your life is and where you want to go, you start to realize that you’ll never get there if you live under layers of fear, criticism, and caring what others think.
Basically you were being pushed around by the social survival mammoth.
I found out about the Social Survival mammoth on the blog Wait But Why written by Tim Urban. In his article called Taming the Mammoth he illustrates (literally) how we allow “the social survival mammoth” to dictate to us behaviors based on irrational thoughts about what people might think of us. These thoughts cause us to try on a billion different outfits before going out, or missing out on an opportunity to talk to someone new for fear of rejection. When reading the blog post you see how ridiculous it is to allow this mammoth to influence our behavior and choices but in reality we all do it.
So back to my fire. The fire that I let the mammoth step on and almost put out so many times. The fire that for some reason wouldn’t die and continued to torment me. The fire that was shut up in my bones so to speak. I realized that if I wanted to get anywhere with my dreams I had to find a way to over come my fears, to connect more with others, to develop closer friendships and a stronger faith.
Making that choice was the first step. I thought that it was about putting myself out there so that I could get more subscribers, followers, or facebook fans. I thought more attention would get me what I wanted. Maybe I could write a book, or travel, or work with brands if I just. had. more. Maybe I would feel better about my writing, or just feel like one of the cool kids…and finally learn how to fit in.
But I didn’t realize that it really was about uncovering who I am in Christ and being more free with my faith. I didn’t realize that by going on this journey I would find a deeper meaning to what I was trying to accomplish rather than having more people follow my youtube channel. I’ve begun to found more joy in writing again as well as doing youtube. Many times I’ve asked myself why I’m doing what I’m doing online. The answer isn’t very black and white. All I know it’s given me a chance to explore, connect, grow and share my faith. I’ve also realized something major…
I don’t need followers to write a book, or give a speech or work with a brand. I don’t need followers to feel good about what I’m writing or making a video about. What I need is to keep my eyes fixed on Christ, to seek Him first, and know that what I’m creating is what He wants me to create. When I do that I have more peace, and it doesn’t matter if I’m a cool kid or not. And frankly Jesus already said that if we followed Him we would most certainly NOT be a cool kid.
And that’s totally fine with me.
So how about you? Does the world of social media weigh on you sometimes? Do you get distracted by stats and numbers? Do you think you need those things to do what you want to do in life? Let me know how you over come the social survival mammoth.